Waste no more time
Last year my mind and soul were
I emerged from the destruction with a psychiatric injury called hypervigilance
Hypervigilance means that I notice connections between any and every situation, and during the acute stage, an alarming number of POTENTIAL situations! It was basically my self defence mechanism gone mad. I just couldn’t comprehend how another human being could be this cold and calculated, WITHOUT LYING?!
I was privileged to have recorded a very small portion of the unmanageable volume of thoughts on my mum’s blog.
Apparently extreme situations give birth to extreme realisations. See the (temporarily wise?) ramblings of a (temporary?) madman below:
“I’ve just been through the most terrible experience in my life. If you imagine how bad it was when my world collapsed following my attack, that was preferable to what I’ve just endured. But from it has come something amazing.
Every time I go through something terrible and am convinced that’s the most extreme pain you could possibly feel, life goes and proves me wrong! When you’re on your death bed though, I bet you will be glad you didn’t fast forward. Even though it’s not nice at the time, you couldn’t possibly feel more hurt. You have to be alive to feel anything. Also, you have to know the really bad to appreciate how good something is by comparison.
I can’t really say what I’ve just been through. Suffice it to say that it tore my heart and soul to shreds and at the time, I really couldn’t see how any good could ever come of it. However, the biggest life lesson I’ve learned so far is yet to come.
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one” Marcus Aurelius
I know in myself that I have been the best man I can be. I now truly love who I am and what I have done. The freedom that gives you is unparalleled!
Pain does force us to learn life lessons we wouldn’t choose to learn, but that gives birth to the best things that happen to us. A good example is being stabbed in the brain. Sounds crazy? Well ‘every action has an equal and opposite reaction’. The attack, on face value, seemed to ruin my life. But from such a dark deed came the fact I was forced to suddenly appreciate everything which I had to earn. If life is getting you down and there seems no light at the end of the tunnel, do not let the seemingly unending darkness change who you are. Letting little unimportant things slide is fine as long as you just stay true to who you are deep down. Just remember, you’re due for an opposing good reaction. The worse the bad, the better the good. It may not be obvious as the relationship is often obscure, but the good could have started already, you just might not be aware of it yet…..
How can you stay true to yourself when in a situation that agonisingly envelopes your entire existence? Things can seem fine on the surface and your head tells you logically everything’s OK. However, that niggly feeling in your gut says something’s wrong. To stay true to yourself, always pay attention to that feeling. NEVER, under any circumstances, dismiss it!
“Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn’t yet figured out.” Me
I’ve recently been recording these feelings. In hindsight, these feelings somehow knew way more than should’ve been possible. I don’t know how. So if you ever have that niggly feeling, your gut may have worked something out that your head has not. To interpret these feelings though you have to be COMPLETELY honest with yourself. Your gut is your best friend. It is your soul, and your soul ultimately wants what’s best for you.
Another quote that I feel the need to share is:
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” Marcus Aurelius
What is “the truth”? We make our own truths, based on opinions and perspectives. What “the truth” is to one person, may not be the truth to the next. Everyone’s truth may share similarities, or it may be completely different – but it’s yours. To stay true to yourself, you need to bear in mind that your truth is constantly evolving and can even completely change direction in an instant. Have conviction in the belief of your current truth about your life, and it can grow as you feed it opinions through your perspective. Every experience, good and bad, moulds your personal truth and subsequently who you are. Be grateful for absolutely everything that’s happened to you – if one tiny thing had happened differently, your truth would not have formed to be what it is, and you wouldn’t be who you are now.”