Waste no more time

Last year my mind and soul were

ripped apart.

I emerged from the destruction with a psychiatric injury called hypervigilance 

122015_1333_Wastenomore3.jpg

Hypervigilance means that I notice connections between any and every situation, and during the acute stage, an alarming number of POTENTIAL situations! It was basically my self defence mechanism gone mad. I just couldn’t comprehend how another human being could be this cold and calculated, WITHOUT LYING?!

I was privileged to have recorded a very small portion of the unmanageable volume of  thoughts on my mum’s blog.

Apparently extreme situations give birth to extreme realisations. See the (temporarily wise?) ramblings of a (temporary?) madman below:



“I’ve just been through the most terrible experience in my life. If you imagine how bad it was when my world collapsed following my attack, that was preferable to what I’ve just endured. But from it has come something amazing.

Every time I go through something terrible and am convinced that’s the most extreme pain you could possibly feel, life goes and proves me wrong! When you’re on your death bed though, I bet you will be glad you didn’t fast forward. Even though it’s not nice at the time, you couldn’t possibly feel more hurt. You have to be alive to feel anything. Also, you have to know the really bad to appreciate how good something is by comparison.

I can’t really say what I’ve just been through. Suffice it to say that it tore my heart and soul to shreds and at the time, I really couldn’t see how any good could ever come of it. However, the biggest life lesson I’ve learned so far is yet to come.

*

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one” Marcus Aurelius

*

I know in myself that I have been the best man I can be. I now truly love who I am and what I have done. The freedom that gives you is unparalleled!

Pain does force us to learn life lessons we wouldn’t choose to learn, but that gives birth to the best things that happen to us. A good example is being stabbed in the brain. Sounds crazy? Well ‘every action has an equal and opposite reaction’. The attack, on face value, seemed to ruin my life. But from such a dark deed came the fact I was forced to suddenly appreciate everything which I had to earn. If life is getting you down and there seems no light at the end of the tunnel, do not let the seemingly unending darkness change who you are. Letting little unimportant things slide is fine as long as you just stay true to who you are deep down. Just remember, you’re due for an opposing good reaction. The worse the bad, the better the good. It may not be obvious as the relationship is often obscure, but the good could have started already, you just might not be aware of it yet…..

How can you stay true to yourself when in a situation that agonisingly envelopes your entire existence? Things can seem fine on the surface and your head tells you logically everything’s OK. However, that niggly feeling in your gut says something’s wrong. To stay true to yourself, always pay attention to that feeling. NEVER, under any circumstances, dismiss it!

*

“Always trust your gut. It knows what your head hasn’t yet figured out.” Me

*

I’ve recently been recording these feelings. In hindsight, these feelings somehow knew way more than should’ve been possible. I don’t know how. So if you ever have that niggly feeling, your gut may have worked something out that your head has not. To interpret these feelings though you have to be COMPLETELY honest with yourself. Your gut is your best friend. It is your soul, and your soul ultimately wants what’s best for you.

Another quote that I feel the need to share is:

*

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” Marcus Aurelius


The Leg End that is Marcus Aurelius

What is “the truth”? We make our own truths, based on opinions and perspectives. What “the truth” is to one person, may not be the truth to the next. Everyone’s truth may share similarities, or it may be completely different – but it’s yours. To stay true to yourself, you need to bear in mind that your truth is constantly evolving and can even completely change direction in an instant. Have conviction in the belief of your current truth about your life, and it can grow as you feed it opinions through your perspective. Every experience, good and bad, moulds your personal truth and subsequently who you are. Be grateful for absolutely everything that’s happened to you – if one tiny thing had happened differently, your truth would not have formed to be what it is, and you wouldn’t be who you are now.”

 

About Nick Verron

Lead Ambassador for the Royal Bucks

Posted on November 28, 2015, in My blog, Top Posts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 89 Comments.

  1. naa he looks happy. i am thankful for the courage you have to inspire us all. it is kinda factual what they say about gut feelings, it is better to be at alert than relaxed i guess, keep it up and thanks for sharing, i like this guy’s quotes. he is on point. stay strong Nick. Cheerio.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Um…Thanks, Nick – I have been accused of suffering from hypervigilance, PTSD, etc., since my time of trials and the changes in my brain networks after the stroke –

    Ok – maybe I’m wrong and those labeling me are right – BUT, if I buy into their take, I’m still rather in the perspective of, “But if I just hurry up and do what you wish I would do – to get back to the ‘me’ I was before all this – well – I will also forfeit some of the gifts bestowed when other stuff is stripped away by Life –

    The greatest gifts I’ve ever received was the stripping away of perspectives/ways of being that just no longer work – something always shows up to take it’s place – cuz Mother Nature abhors a vacuum – 🙂

    Some ‘lost’ things are worth the effort to regain and some are not –

    I found that with heavy hits – it became pretty simple and clear which things I wished to focus on ‘regaining/rebuilding’ and which things I was really A-OK with not bothering with anymore – 🙂

    On the other hand, I also know how well the human brain, filters have evolved to make it very easy for us to ‘lie to ourselves’ – LOL

    In the end – I’m rather a What Works, for Now, type of gal – Maybe it’s a short term approach that keeps me afloat that will have to be cut loose later – or revised/revamped/updated – so that I can move forward –

    Maybe it’s worth it – Maybe it’s not – But I do know this – I won’t ever give up the gifts or perspectives I’ve gained from my own experiences, just cuz they don’t fit in with what someone else thinks is ‘realistic’ – simply cuz?

    Until someone has the same info, poured into my brain/soul – well – how can I expect them to understand my weird perspective/filters/neural pathways? LOL

    But, I’m also open to the possibility – I may be Wrr-rrr-(can I say it?)-on-(really, do I want to say it?)-ong.)

    Cheers on great post!

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re actually awesome! I need to write a really long reply to this, I have so much to say! But I should have been in bed ages ago already. I’m falling asleep so will have to delay my reply. Know this though, I read your message and it resonates with me in so many ways. Thanks and speak soon 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m still ‘on target’ to visit across the pond – next year – and so – somethings may need to ‘wait’ for lively discussions over a meal, during time spent sitting in the garden – etc. – 🙂 There’s just only so much time for sharing via typing – LOL – BUT Thanks! If ya get to it – great – if not – filed it away to ‘listen’ for when the topic comes up – later – No race – No Finish Line – only a careful weighing of, “Oh- can revisit/revise/revamp my thoughts on this subject, again and again!” 🙂 Sleep tite – 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Great reply. You are a kindred spirit to young Nick. If ever you get the chance, would be great to see you with Nick at Royal Bucks. Coffee’s on me! The world needs people like you and Nick to help inspire others, hence why we started the Ambassador program.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Deal! 🙂 I put it on my ‘list of must see/do/meet’ while I’m on my trip next year (though, I admit, my list is growing so fast, I may need to take a years’ sabbatical, rather than just a trip – 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

          • I find my mind often drifting to the time when I’ll be across the pond, getting to sit over a cuppa (or a frosty pub glass – 🙂 and just soaking in the pleasure of, “I’m here, getting to listen to them without logging in or typing, or waiting for a notification light to appear! ” I can’t hardly wait! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Likewise! I’m sure we’ll have some absolutely brilliant conversations about topics that people, even with the best will in the world, couldn’t properly grasp the way we would!

              Liked by 1 person

            • Yup! and guaranteed, neither of us will be bored by the conversation, either! 🙂 In my daily life, I have to often resist the urge to blurt out, “Yes, it will quit raining at some point (or Yes, it’s bound to rain again, sometime), so can we spend the time talking about something interesting? (unless the person is a climatologist – then I figure it’s just an opening for explaining to me all the wonderful connections that happened to create the current reality of rain/or lack of…) LOL

              Liked by 1 person

      • Chris – also think I managed to find the “Royal Bucks” you were referring to – and placed – “Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire” on the itinerary – cuz, c’mon now, Florence Nightingale? Been a fan of her’s since I was 8 or 9 and first read about her! Yup – my trip is going to turn into a year or two Grand Tour! 🙂 (P.S. Does anyone but me find it funny that the term, “Acquired” was put in front of Brain Injury? Like it was something you worked, slaved and strove to …well…acquire? 🙂 – Pretty sure if you’re in Nick’s flock – you’ll not be offended – and honestly – who else could I share this observation with who would understand I really want to know, did anyone think about this before bestowing this term? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s so freaky! I was laughing to myself about that term just a few minutes ago! Technically mine is a traumatic brain injury. So have I acquired my traumatic injury or have I not tried hard enough?? That’s also quite coincidental about your love of Florence nightingale. We’d recently decided upon our charity likely being called Royal Bucks Nightingale Trust! Yep, you’ve found us:-)

          Liked by 1 person

          • the minute I took ‘coffee’ out of the search, I didn’t have to scroll through so many ‘Starbucks’ links to find what I figured I was looking for – 🙂 and yes, I figured you’d get my observation – but hey! It can be a little ‘community’ joke – we can all reply to sympathetic clicking of the tongue and comments regarding ‘so sorry that happened’ – with, “Whaddya mean ‘happened’?!? I ACQUIRED this – I worked hard and sweat blood to acquire this – ;just happened’ my arse – are you daft!” Yup – I think ‘our lil brain community could have a lot of fun with that one – 🙂

            Like

            • Hello, sorry for the delayed reply! I had to draw a line under communication as I’m sure I could easily just talk to you all day long. You’re absolutely right, I think most comments have to be reserved for your cross pond trip. “Community” jokes are awesome when you find somebody that can appreciate them 🙂 take care for now 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

            • Yes! 🙂 And for browsing visitors – may be taken out of context! 🙂 Sometimes I get carried away in the ability to comment/reply, and, my feeling? Doesn’t offend me whatsoever if someone ‘deletes’ my comment, and replies via email, etc. – do have to work sometimes, cuz sometimes I mess up and ‘chat’ in a space that doesn’t have ‘wait for moderation’ setting – meaning, comments show up right away – OOPS! 🙂 BUT can’t wait to have coffee at Royal Bucks – or sit by a grassy knoll – walk through the woods to see the bluebells – 🙂 Silence or air full of shared musings/ideas, etc. – simply cannot wait! 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

            • I am very cautious to not offend people. What’s your secret, how do you not care? I cannot wait either. Always happy to talk to a kindred spirit, somebody who “gets” me

              Liked by 1 person

            • I’ll have to ‘blog’ the secret – and share a link – that way – I won’t ‘contaminate’ your blog with blasphemy or out of context items – but still give you an answer – AND if someone wants to, they can clicky-click to read in my space and make me pay for my sins – not YOU! LOL – Off to write it right, like, now – cuz yes – urge so strong, pretty sure it’s needs to be said, and there may be more than just you who need or want to hear… 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

            • I look forward to reading it! Happy writing 🙂

              Like

            • Yup, same link – for here and your comment at my lil’ cyberland house – 🙂 https://ballybin.wordpress.com/2015/11/30/why-i-dont-care-about-offending/

              Like

            • Because my lil brain wiring that sees the comedic possibilities in various ‘bestowed’ labels – and naively comment upon them – Please Know! Not my intent to treat any of this lightly or cause offense! (Yes – I will be more careful in future!) – And author of this blog has been given full permission to delete any comments I make that make perfect sense from a ‘well, let’s see if we can have some fun with this little misnomer” but could be offensive to those who aren’t familiar with my desire to make the best of a bad situation – 🙂 Thanks! 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

  3. No words..stumped….wow say those know me..silent for once..that won’t last..well probably not..ha ha…..you are awesome and a great role model young man..just saying 🙂

    Like

  4. Reblogged this on Retired? No one told me! and commented:
    I don’t reblog very often..only when something really resonates with me or I want to help a friend promote a book..but this I think we could all learn a lesson 🙂

    Like

  5. Amazing that you are a fan of Marcus Aurelius! Where and when did that happen? Your story continues to amaze me – your mental strength is astounding. The rest of your life is going to be something special…

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    • A little while ago somebody gave me a quote. They didn’t say who it was from, but it was so awesome that I had to go and find out. Ever since then he’s been my hero! I do hope you’re right about the rest of my life…

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  6. You are brave and brilliant.

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  7. Another amazing lesson for us all, Nick.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Exemplary. Marcus Aurelius is a good hero to have

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reblogged this on Barrow Blogs: and commented:
    pause for thought …

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Beautifully said, Nick. And very important for us all.

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  11. Nick, thank you for posting this! It is amazing what you wrote. Of course I don’t need to add anything because what you wrote is all deeply experienced. But I can only say that I feel exactly the same about this all: what shapes us the person we are, that every painful experience unfolds in an immense growth, that truth is subjective! It is beautiful how you write it and the quotes are just nailing it all. In my book I wrote a whole chapter about the subject “truth”: “The Evaluation of Subjective Reality”. It says what you wrote. We make truth! How we see the world through our eyes is our truth. And how we see the world changes according to our own developement. Thank you so much for sharing this, Nick!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I think it is incredible that you are coming out of a horrible situation with so much humanity intact. You must have been an amazing person before, or destined to be one now!

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  13. You teach through your trials, a true gift and blessing and no, the state looks kind of content I would say. Great piece my friend, Peace and love,
    Kim

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  14. so glad you survived and thrived in spite of or because of it all. we make our own truth. yes.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Great post, Nick. I’ve enjoyed reading it and all the comments – no need to add anything as others have already expressed my thoughts.

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  16. Nick, when the chips are down you’re a great example of proving you can still be what and who you want to be. It takes tremendous hard work but you proved yourself more than capable of that. You’re an inspiration.
    Well done !
    Hugs

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    • What a lovely comment! I know it doesn’t qualify as such, but I will feel quite selfish if I cannot help others do this. What ever happens though I’m very excited about all the opportunities on the horizon. it’s nice to know that I’ve climbed my current “life hill” (I know it’s almost inevitable that there will be another, probably soon) and reached the crest to be able to see the horizon 🙂

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  17. Trusting one’s gut is definitely excellent advice!
    Love your new look blog!

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  18. Hi Nick, I did a post today on C.S. Lewis and came across a great quote that made me immediately think of your blog and your story – I hope you don’t mind me linking to it but it just seemed to fit so perfectly. “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” Your blog is just so truthful and inspiring. Fabulous – love the new look too! KL 🙂

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  19. Likin the new look here Nick! I’m thinking it’s time you write a book about your extraordinary gift of life! 🙂

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  20. “Don’t trust anything she says…. lol

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  21. It’s so amazing, what you have achieved. One thing I have learned from my own experiences with my daughter Carys, is that the human body and mind are not machines. They are NOT all the same. And they all react differently. So much of it has to do with the force of a person’s spirit. Carys was determined to cling onto the scrap of life she was given, against all the odds, in spite of what the doctors said. She was not going to be told that life wasn’t worth living. She’s feisty. Does it make any sense to you if I say that although she’s dependent on others, she lives her own life? Well, I see that same fire and spirit in you, more so, because you are able to express it in a way others can understand, and you stand up for people like Carys, who can’t. I know your situation is entirely different, but your story and achievements give hope to all who find themselves lumped together under the dreaded D-word by the rest of society. Keep going Nick! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Nick what profound ‘truths’ you have spoken.. yes follow our own guts and know that we are all of us evolving through our experience.. And as you have said both good and bad come to teach us to grow..
    Yes our perceptions are always altering and changing.. what is my truth today may change tomorrow for tomorrow I may learn something new to alter my perspective.. So True.. And your insights here are profound like that of your Mum..

    May we all learn that there is no Time like the present.. as we enjoy each moment, and I agree totally.. lets not waste any more time..

    Sending Blessings your way Nick..
    Sue

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, that’s just what I needed to hear right now. I find life has a way of echoing things you’ve worked out, reminding you when you need it most. I also found that I was rewarded by life recently. In trying to offer someone heartfelt advice, the words I offer came back and helped me too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Know Your History – 29th November – C.S. Lewis born | new2writing

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