Be your own worst enemy or your best friend
It’s so awesome! I’ve accidentally led myself down a trail of thought which has solved the major problems currently holding me back in life.
Yesterday, I was writing some notes about what to say in the short film I’ve been asked to do. This is for the charity UKABIF, who have asked me to talk about the daily issues that my brain injury has caused. I will share some of these notes:
I have been so focussed on making progress with my physical recovery and have had great success with this. People have often said, “You should live in the moment, make the most of now.” Although I agree with this in normal circumstances, I saw a better investment of my time being to improve my quality of life for years to come. All my hard work paid off, leaving me with so many options for my future. While my “re-ability” (my rebellion against disability) skyrocketed, I didn’t notice my self-esteem dwindling away. As I didn’t have time for a normal life or any social interaction, the prospect of this has become very scary. Where I’ve been allowed to spend the last few years alone behind closed doors, I now don’t have the confidence to go past them into the unknown, where things can go wrong and people can judge me. I’ve only just acknowledged this problem and desperately want a social life again, but where do I start?
I like to think that I can give quite good advice. To anybody else except myself! Realising this (after recently telling somebody here on WordPress), I decided to imagine that somebody else had written the notes above. Suddenly the problems which had swamped me, restricting me leaving my “self-imposed prison”, seemed like child’s play to overcome! I looked at them objectively and did a spreadsheet containing weekly goals. Things such as new places I have to see; I specified a minimum of three per week, but that more equated to “super happy fun time” (I did say it was child’s play!) I then imagined a “therapist” was giving me the spreadsheet, and saw it as a challenge to overcome.
It’s really funny how all this happens the day I post the paperwork for something I’ve tried to do to help people. Is this karma at work? When I was watching the documentary The Brain with David Eagleman, he talks about just how much neuroscience can learn when a brain operates outside of normal parameters. My brain lost the concept of normal parameters on 4th July, 2009! I got a call yesterday from someone representing Thomas Willis Brain Collection, explaining how they don’t normally get people volunteering to donate their brain, but how grateful they are and how this may help ease the suffering of hundreds of people to come. Apparently they’re even generous enough to wait until you’re finished with it! I must say, it does make me smile to know that I can continue to help people long after I’m dead 🙂
I have covered my wardrobe with motivational quotes to start the day with. One of my favourites (not just because of the scantily clad lady!), is: