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“Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings
hast thou ordained strength…”
KJV Psalm 8:2
I passed the entire night in the hinterland between sleep and waking. It is that odd state where the body rests unresisting but the mind wanders down strange pathways, making connections between seemingly random things and finding answers to questions we did not know we needed to ask. Therefore, when I woke, exhausted and feeling rather low, I simply blamed the fitful night.
It had not even occurred to me to take the leaflet that seriously. I don’t like the things, but I am only going to be taking the damnable pills for a short while and adding steroids to the current handful of pills, as opposed to being waltzed off to hospital, seems a far better option. I had them once before for pneumonia and, beyond the usual sleep disruption and digestive problems, I…
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She got up this morning and squeaked. She’s not supposed to squeak, but it seemed about all she could manage. She tried a whisper, but that didn’t work out too well either… more of a frog sound… so she’s pretty quiet this morning, though there seems to be a lot of groaning going on. Serves her right for spending so much time on the phone when she should have been playing with me.
That’s bad enough, but there are strange things going on. My boy… the one who has allowed a cat into his life… he seems to have lost the plot. He’s phoning her up to talk about the thing. He’s even sending her pictures of the fatuous feline!
Once upon a time, he was all mine. There was no doubt about that at all. Now? It just keeps going from bad to worse. He’s started whispering when he…
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I cannot properly express the gratitude I feel for the way people are coming together to help me realise my dream. I dream of independent freedom.
I thought freedom would forever be out of my reach. Being reliant on an electric wheelchair is very restrictive; steps become your nemesis, electricity a necessity. The other option is to be completely dependent on somebody pushing me in a manual wheelchair. Both the options will not allow me to traverse rough terrain. Not that I MYSELF am doing any traversing, I am just sat there, motionless, feeling disconnected to the world passing me by. I thought this would always be the case.
I moved down to the coast because I love the sea; I loved walking across the beach, felt connection and relaxation for my soul. After my attack, I had resigned to never being able to do this again. I grew up playing on Ilkley Moor – again, I thought this would forever be out of my reach. I love nature, used to love family outings walking through the forest. But no more. Can you imagine never being able to enjoy the things about this world, that mean the most to you? I have to live with this dark tragedy every day. Until recently, when there was a glimmer of light. Below is a picture of me, taking MYSELF through Ashridge Woods:
I hired a Mountain Trike for the weekend. It was like a dream come true! I took MYSELF over ROUGH TERRAIN, through an environment I never thought I would be part of again. I only had it for the weekend, so didn’t get the chance to do a fraction of the amazing things I’d like, but the possibilities to propel myself to my dreams are ENDLESS. I need this fantastic piece of kit in my life and thank everybody IMMENSELY for helping in so many ways to make this happen. My mum has set up a campaign HERE to raise funds for it. I have trouble comprehending how generous people have been already, both in donations and in sharing it around. I am eternally grateful. It is so true that “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. Seven years ago, I experienced the darkest parts of humanity. Now I am experiencing the brightest parts.
It doesn’t feel right yet, switching off the alarm clock before I go to bed, but I could get used to it easily enough. The alarms didn’t go off, because I hadn’t asked them to and the novelty of not being dragged from my bed by their screeching is one I appreciate. For the past seven years, it is that ear-assaulting noise that has started my day, seven days a week, apart from my time in the north and the occasional research trip. Today, however, my services are not required.
The past few weeks have been busy ones. While both I and my younger son have been moving and getting settled into our respective new homes, my eldest son has been clearing and decluttering his home prior to leaving it. Nick has mentioned his plans to see something of the world and is busily making his preparations. We’ve worked long…
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